RED ♥ Shakespear.

Aww......

It's already 1a.m .
I'm still sitting by my laptop .
Blogging.
Posting.
Sneezing.
Yawning...

I'm so sick.
I'm so tired.
But .
I can't sleep D:
* Yawn..

Anyway, this whole week.
Things isn't that great for me -.-

First of all, I went to school 'events' every single day from Monday to Friday.
Yeah, it's considered everyday to me.
HAH, for alternate days, I went for band.
For the opposite, I went for TFSC.

BAND: I had quite alot of fun though it was very tiring. HAH, I've got much to learn . So much . And not to forget, the hot sun that drove me MAD . That makes me so tanned!

TFSC: I had so much fun there! Hee, play lots & lots of board games with SHERRY & KRISTEL! Actually we're suppose to play with the kids there, but they're busy with their own games -.- Anyway, I'm to go there for 9 days. In return I'll get my badge for GB . YEAH! Had lots of fellowship with them . GREAT! :D

( I'm not contrasting here, between band and TFSC. HAH . )

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Anyway, my phone has spoilt ( again ) .
SO PEOPLE.
Do not msg me.
I can't open them D:

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And today!
Is Saturday!
All thanks to my sickness, my fever .
I can't go .
I feel so terrible ( even now ) .
Feeling so cold .
Sneezing non-stop .
TSK.

But I get to watch service online!
Though it feels different, but I still choose to do it .
HAH, it took me quite a long time to load the window.
TSK, I used almost half an hour to settle it.
And still, I manage to watch some part of it .

( I miss my cell group D: )

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Actually , I've lots of inspiration for poems and all sorts of things , ideas this week .
But, silly me, save it in the phone.
And I've forgotten what I've written.

See, ideas is just ... THAT MOMENT.
If you can't get it down, penned it down.
You'll forget , for real.
For sure!

Sigh, I lose it.
I lost it.

But no point crying over it .
No point thinking about it .
New ideas would come across my mind ,
One day , , , , , , ,
That day , , , , , ,
Wonder when it's coming again .

Anyway, I shall end here.
Can't continue with me sneezing like this.
GOODNIGHT .

:)

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Everytime when our eyes met .
How I wish time just stop there forever.
Just that moment .

How I wish my eyes can talk.
Can speak up, for me.
Can tell you.

My eyebrow would meet .
That's when I'm thinking .
Where on earth , am I in your eyes?

All I could tell ,
All I could say,
All I could feel,
Is only, another her in your eyes.

Everytime.
You'd ask for the answer.

Though I wish I could make known to you.
But I decided to choke on my words.
Than to choke on your reply.

You've no idea how much it's hurting.
Whenever I always hear you ,
Hanging her at the corner of your mouth .

Things had changed.
Is this not meant to be?
I suppose.

I miss those times.
Those coincidence.
That bring us so close.

That glance, that stare.
That look.
Indicates.
' What a coincidence. I can't believe , it's you again . '

Since that day ,
I realize ,
I've got a crush forever.
( In my sense )

Then .
Everything is gone.
A snap at the finger.
It's gone.

Before I could even react .

But, there must be a reason for that change.
And he know it well.
I don't have a need , or want.
To know.
Any of them.

I've no idea how to carry with this.
With how I'm feeling.

I guess.
I'll carry this torch always .

And never let him know this .
Never................ ( more dots )

Yeah people!

I've passed my First - Aid course!

YES!
I'm a first-aider.

This course is a meaningful one!

I wanna thank the people there, the instructors.
Especially that ' Uncle ' Steven.
He's quite knowledgeable & can answer all my questions.

:D

Hee :D

Nothing much today .
No inspiration for poems.
Nothing.
HAHAHA.

BYE!

Running on the railway.

Chasing or being chased?

Ding ding ding...

Time's up.
That I shall stop these.
Shouldn't I...?

She'll always appear up there.
RIGHT UP there on my mind.
When I thought of you.
Always.
Always.
Always.
Always!

My heart ache everytime she's there.
My heart ache when I had to hide the truth.
My heart ache more when I had to paste that smile on my face .
Saying ' I don't care. '

When I thought things were okay.
Already.
I thought I was feeling okay.
You stir the peaceful water, creating that hurricane that is sucking me.
Draining me away!

What is this?
It's not your fault, for sure .
Yes, for sure.

Like what pastor say.

' No one can make you. Make you sad or angry. '

It's all how you handle it.

Oh~ God.
Tell me what to do.
Again, again, I seek Your advice.

I'm so tired & I hope this is enough .

:D

Today!
Is such a fun day!
Though I spend my whole day in school -.-

HAH!
But today's first aid course really entertained me very well.
Meaningful as well ------> This going to be a lifelong skill !
I might just save someone's life someday.
:D
Not to think so far, before I pass the test !

It's a 3 day course. Today ; Tomorrow ; Thursday.

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Today is awesome!
The instructor were so funny!!
Especially Steven.
He's such a joke man!
HAH, he mixed singlish with his sentences.
And joke while teaching us .

Anyway, I learn how to handle a patient with illnesses like heart attack & asthma.
Also, people who're choking.
I wanted to learn the bandaging, as I think it's more useful to me .
HAHA.

HAHA, the hands-on practical were fun too!
Kristel was my partner and we got to ' touch here & there ' -.-

The most tiring part is when doing the CPR to a dummy!
I feel so stupid when I'm pressing the chest & blowing into the dummy's mouth.
They look scary without eyes.
HAHA, it's so tiring!

Hee~~~
Not to forget Clarissa' movement when she perform the CPR.
HAH, she shook her head as if she ate ecstasy!
Hee, I've got the precious moments capture on my phone!
Shhhh....

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Just right after we had lunch at KFC, that ' Finger lickin' good ' restaurant.
Me and my GB mates walked back to school.
Suddenly, sharon shouts ' PERVERT! SEE WHAT SEE! '

I was so shocked.

Until she tell me there's a pervert looking at me.
For goooooooooooooodness sake, that he's licking his lips!
GOSH.
Then the rest was like mimicking him.
YUCKS.

Haha, I was telling Iskandar all my stories with those perverts just when today I indirectly met one.

HAH, Shu Shan said this.
' Who ask you always cat walk with your back so straight! '

Tsk, but I can't help it !
:D

Don't know how to hunch my back unless I'm tired.
Don't know how to walk with my leg open wide.
Oh C'mon, those are so not nice!

It's just not my style.
HAHA.

* wink.

2nd November.

Desire to be the chosen one,

is a big leap, to jump.

How difficult it can be.

As the chooser is not going to choose base on the choosing criteria.

It's...

The affair of the heart.

Unpredictable, that leads to the unexpected ending.

Talk to me.

Tell me I'm on the hot list.

Tell me that I'm chosen.

To be your chosen one.

That I'll be here ever, ever, with you.

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It's so aggressive.

Playing dirty games to earn praises & credits.

Stepping ahead forward to gain, same time, to lose.

Why is the game being played this way?

It's not fair.

Do not tell me ' It meant to be this way. '

Because I know it should not be.

The door is opened for public.

For everyone.

Who're you to change the lock.

And forbids the rest to step & share the shelter.

Selfishness & evilness really compress the social circle, for sure.

Fame keeps you going on & on.

Credits goes to you.

Praises lift you up.

But along the path of life, you'll realize.

No friends are there for you.

For you're not there for them.

Fame can an obstruction when the wrong way is used to obtained.

You lose more, than you gain.

The strong spirit causes you to win.

Too much of it causes you to fall.

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8th November.

I swallow back my question.

Which I'm tempted to ask.

To shun the arguments & word, that causes the heart & face to fall.

Everything seemed alright in the car.

But here I wonder.

Is this everlasting?

I doubt things will stay this way.

If they're not willing to make the change, make the difference.

I won't depend on him if I were her.

People say ' Love is blind '

I wish I can oppose that.

But how to?

When examples and evidence are placed right in front of me.

How to say ' no ' when the answer is an obvious ' yes ' .

She was very right, to educate me.

' Don't depend on people. Depend on yourself whenever possible. '

So right.

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17th November.

Sometimes, it's essential to stop what you're doing .

Especially when she doesn't return the feelings.

Everyone knows,

It's going to hurt, for sure!

But hanging on to it, is going to hurt even more.

Close your eyes.

Take a deep breath.

Slower your pace.

Feel what's right.

Take a break.

Think it through.

What's the purpose for you doing all these things.

For what?!

Chasing after her.

Desperately.

But look.

When is she turning around & look at you.

When is she going to wait for you.

She's not doing to do any of those.

You can cry all night.

You can give her gifts.

You can call her everynight.

You can text her everyday.

You can care alot for her.

You can think about her every possible second.

You can imagine her being with you.

You can plan the future for the both of you.

You can think of the FOREVER.

But when she don't feel a thing for you after you've done all you've done.

When she only feels for you, but not love you.

Don't you think it's time to let go.

It's not going to make any difference hanging on.

Rejection hurts.

But the truth is .

The journey after acceptance is going to hurt even more.

A reminder for myself.

It's already gone when I can react.

If you could tell me.

If you had tell me.

Things would have been different

Acting indifferently that I've forgotten.

As I know it well.

It's not going to change anything with your assurance that moment.

Hearing those words from you.

It's like my death penalty.

That makes me hate myself so much, for the loss.

Looking at her.

I feel jittery.

What can I do isn't it?

Love?

HAH.

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18th November.

Sometimes I adore you,

sometimes I don't.

Sometimes the feeling is strong,

sometimes I don't feel a thing.

Sometimes I have the urge to see you,

sometimes I dread to see you.

Sometimes I'll smile when I think of you,

sometimes I'll cry.

Some time I'll question myself on why do I feel this way.

I hope I'll have an answer by then.

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We're sitting there.

From high above, everything seemed to be like an ant.

I could use my finger, to point at those things

Those things that were mesmerizing in your eyes.

Different people have different kind of view indeed.

I don't admire what you admire.

I don't see what you see.

But I do admire the one sitting by my side that time.

You were telling me the long scripts of your life.

While I look at you, trying to figure out, my feelings for you.

And that was when you look into my eyes.

Suddenly something strikes me.

That I should just let go.

Because all I can see is in you, is love.

The love you have for another her.

She occupy every little space.

I find it really hard to even stand at a corner of your heart.

No vacancy, no place for me.

You've no idea that it hurts.

You've no idea how much it hurts.

Count her the lucky one.

To be able to own something that I'll never be able to have.

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The words in my mind are going through an audition.

The audition that is looking for the one which best represent my feeling now.

Rounds & rounds of elimination.

I find none.

None of them suits.

Do I feel even anything?

Is something I'm not sure of too.

My heart is like the sky.

All the different feelings is like the meteor shower.

Shooting across.

I feel so lost for my loss.

I always think that the journey is going to be long.

When that thought came, everything ends.

That's when I stop committing.

That's when everything come so naturally & I take it for granted.

Not knowing that I got to balance the give & take.

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18th November.

' I've had enough! '

Then, the other line is left with a beep sound.

What do I have to say for myself?

I knelt down.

I broke down.

As tears shower the floor.

My chest hurts.

I'm sniffing till I lose my breathe.

I dial that number.

Desperately for some advice & comfort.

In the end, I got my heart trampled.

My bosom friend doesn't care at all.

I had a bad feeling that moment.

Then, I thought I was wrong.

Now, the feeling has become the truth.

She didn't give me any advice.

That's okay.

She gave me that indifferent tone.

That's okay.

She's far far away when I'm going through that first and major heart break.

She's never there for me during that torturing process.

That is still okay.

But never would I thought that she'll do something worse than that.

Being honest is the last good thing she done for me.

She told me how she feels.

Told me that ' I'm sorry, Evon. '

That's really the last thing I want to see & hear.

But still, I thank her for that.

The moment of truth broke the trust I had for her.

Broke the bond between us.

Really breaks the trust I'll have for anyone.

The moment she told me that.

My fist was clenched.

My face grew red.

Giving her a slap & say ' That's the end! ' is what I really want.

But in the end, I broke into tears.

Angry with myself that I can't bring myself to do that1

Angry with myself why do I trust someone so much!

Angry with myself to grow so close to her.

I took months to get over that relationship.

But I guess I'll take years to get over that friendship.

Till now.

The pain is still there.

As fresh as the opened wound.

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HI PEOPLE :D

SO insprired to write all those these days.
Sigh!
Anyway :)

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx :D

Bye :D

Back from camp!

4 DAYS 3 NIGHT

For the rest and

3 DAYS 2 NIGHTS

For me.

Aww, the camp is definitely

TIRING.

( Aha, at least I don't need to wash the toilet & pick up hair on the floor! )

My fellow GB mates & I were at the campsite.

Doing all sorts of things!

Before I forget, meet my group!

BOOMZGAY!

( I've no idea why they chose that name, as I didn't join them for the first day when they choose the name. )

Also.

Meet our facilitator.

KENNY!

That 180+ can really run fast!

HAH, we had our high, low elements.

Dragon boating.

A long walk in town.

The low element I didn't get to try it as there were not enough time!

TSK.

But :)

I got to try the high elements whereby a partner is needed.

Some teared when they came down from there.

That makes me wonder.

Am I going to cry after that too?

HAH.

Height isn't a problem at all.

It's the balancing part that fears me.

' I'm scared! '

Hee, went up there with Sherilyn ( my sec 1 junior )

Stepping on a rope.

Holding on the another rope is what we got to do.

Almost gave up that time.

When my hands were going to slip & hurts alot.

When my soles were numb & hurts alot.

I almost let go...

Thanks for the DISCOURAGEMENT from Kenny.

That motivates me to carry on.

The more he puts me down.

The more I'm going to prove him wrong.

There I go.

I COMPLETE IT.

With the help of Sherilyn and support from the others.

Whew, I did it.

Without crying!

HAH.

I can't forget my experience of

DRAGON BOATING.

It's a new thing to me.

HAH.

It's not that easy as it seems to be.

AND NOT TO FORGET.

The muscles of those guys.

COOl.

Anyway, I really enjoyed myself :)

At the night.

10pm.

Went for a long long long walk.

From the campsite ( Kallang )

To Lavender ,

To Dhoby Goaut.

& even more.

I was so sleepy during that walk.

We even sat at the opposite pavement of ISTANA.

HAH.

Guess what we're doing there?

Learning to tie different knots!

Tsk...

Fell asleep and carry doing.

Fell asleep and carry on doing.

* Yawn.

We complete the whole journey by foot

& reached the campsite at around 4am-5am.

Aww...

THE LAST CHALLENGE.

Is the HIGH WALL.

It's 2 metres high and everyone is to go over that wall.

OH MY GOOOOOODNESS.

That's the toughest in the whole camp.

It really tires me & push me off my limit.

But I learn how to trust my friends more.

I realize my mates were there for me when I fall.

Be it the wall or in life.

They'll be there to hold my hands, support me verbally & physically.

BIG BIG THANKS TO : RACHEL , SERENE, SHARON & NEO MIN.

For their shoulder to step on.

Hard on them!

Trust is essential for good relationship.

Being doubtful doesn't help at all.

The camp teaches me how to respond to the ups & downs of life.

Teaches me how to trust my friends more.

Teaches me how to persevere.

Yeah,

I got to learn how to put those things into my life.

Put it into good use.

I'm always learning.

Tsk.

I became more tanned.

:'(

Aww, my skin hurts.

The UV rays is at fault.

This holiday is going to be

REALLY PACKED!

Along the trip.
Look at those things.
That are incomparable to the natural nature.
Call them the mountains, the oceans.

Along the trip.
Mixed feelings overtook me.
Leaving my heart confused.
My face confused.
Call that expression or attitude.

Along the trip.
Sweet & sour overwhelms me.
Laughter took place.
Jealousy too place.
Call it her & the smiles I paste it on my face, upon the truth.

Along the trip.
People falls.
Making things really awkward.
To leave my eyes open is as difficult as keeping the conversation going.

Along the trip.
Had an encounter.
Had known the truth.
That leads to how I feel, what he feels in the first place.
THE VERY FIRST.
Where my footsteps got me into this bitter-sweet whirlpool.

Just a casual glance.
I guess a very short one.
Stays within him, in them and in me by now.
I never thought it'll keep you entertained for days.
I never thought that it'll keep me fascinated/obsessed for months.
Years going-to-be.

Just the same as the rest of the rest.
You don't last.
It don't last.
And...
I really hate myself for that.
Seriously.

Just like a torch that has been extinguish and can never be light up.
Looking at the ashes.
Hearing the crushing sound of my heart!
HURTS.

It's not that,
But it's another that.
That can tear me apart.
One that one cannot prevent.

When it doesn't matter, it means far more than that.
And.

' Forget it . '

Is the/my only options.
Isn't it?
What more ( can ) I want.

That was great.
That was ALL.

Those words were like knifes.
That pierce and reopens the wound.
As it penetrates further more, tell me how to tolerate.
How, not to shed any tears.

They keep echoing in my ears.
Reminding me how impossible it is, for the feelings to be returned.
Especially knowing that how much you yearn, how much you miss & love the other one.

How difficult it is, to shut my ears, away from those things.
When I did hear them, I pretend it doesn't matter.
When it does.

Yeah, I admit.
I wasn't able to concentrate & focus.
On those things I'm suppose to think, suppose to do.
I admit that I'm constantly distracted by other thoughts.
That makes it hard to even think straight.

I tried to deny, tried to put on an indifferent image.
Though, I know I can't hide long as the feelings arouse.
I can't pretend long.
Neither can I express nor confess it.

To suppress inside is really terrible.
I wonder.
When can I let it out.
How can I let it out.
Let it go.

Thank God...
Feelings aren't that deep.
Releasing is what I should do now.
But somehow inside...
I'm still clinging on.

I know it myself.
Taking forever to let go & get over is part of me.
I know I'll still hang on to it.

It's going to last for a month,
Probably a year.
Or even more.
I never know.

Affairs of the heart are so frustrating.
Obstacles that prevent me to do something bigger.
Irritating.
D:

Inspired by that one.
One that doesn't know it's for him.

* Clap clap *
Finally going for service tmr, see you guys !

* winks.

Today had the Sculpture Walk.
I thought it'll be held in school or something :O
In the end, the level was out to town!
Hee...
Yeah, took lots of picture :)

I'm not going to upload it here.
Don't ask 'why' .

Hm :)
Had fun fellowshipping with the rest.
Hee, I enjoy being with them!

Good thing don't last.

Anyway, had lunch with Elsa, Sim, Stephanie.
We were heading to Tampines at first.
Have no idea why they changed the venue to Whitesands.
It doesn't matter also.
Hee...
Yup, we chat ALOT.
Had so much fun.
Fun.
Fun.
Fun.
My bus journey with Elsa on the way home, was great too.
Tomorrow there's band!
* Yawn.

Everything don't last.
DON'T last.
People, I'm not in the mood today.
It's killing me.
ARGH!
So upsetting.
So frustrating.
...
Sigh.

:'(

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* Hurting makes me stunned & feeling s.t.u.p.i.d.
Getting closer will bring us further eventually.
So helpless.
No way you're going to understand this.
For I know, you're not me.
Don't assume what I'm thinking.
Don't guess my thoughts.
Don't criticise me when I'm not even close to you.
Don't say you understand me when you know NOTHING about me.

I want hear nothing from you.
Cut it out.

How dead can it be.
Evon, just forget it alright?.

This is for the Lord.

God, those things are hurting so badly.
Where're You?
Please answer me.. Can you?

Those things.
All those things.
I failed to feel You.
It's so so so so so soooo difficult recently.
What happened?
Seemed so far away.
What's wrong?
With me.

First time, this is happening.
I don't like the feeling.
Then, I'm so close.
Your presence is so strong that I thought I almost touched You.
Your hands, Your face...
Now, I don't feel a single thing.
Praying is like talking to myself.
Worshipping you is just like singing to myself.
Reading the bible is just like reading any other storybooks.
There isn't any impact, at all.
I don't feel You.. at all.

God, my faith is shaking.
Somehow, recently, a little.
Is this normal.
I used to have encounters with You.
I seek Your help & directions, always.
I depend, rely on You.
Now, I realize I'd rather trust myself.
I just don't feel You.
So distant.
When I'm questioned about my Quiet Time.
I've no idea what to say.

Yeah, I worship You. Without feeling a thing.
Yeah, I prayed hard. Without feeling a thing.
Yeah, I read the bible. Without feeling a thing.
I do what I should do.
Everything goes well during it.
After which, I just close the bible.
I just end with the prayer.

Then when I opened up my eyes.
I felt nothing.
Nothing at all.
I felt that all along, I've been alone in the room.
I hear no response from You.
Tell me, how am I suppose to draw near.
What am I suppose to do to connect with You?

SO SO SO much thing are troubling me.
When I've no one to call, no one to turn to,
I chose to turn to You.
Pouring out what's within me.
Though, things didn't got better, it's even worse.
Maybe that's the way You want things to be.
It's okay.
I stick to Your plan.
It's really okay.

But, the thing is.
Why is that we're so far apart now?
How come....
Why....
What must I do?
I miss You so much.
So helpless.

And also, I've missed service for almost A MONTH I guess.
I WANTED TO GO SO SO SO SO SO MUCH You know?
Seriously..
Have been busy with shifting the house & stuffs.
Watching service online is not a good idea.
It's different!
So much different..

I feel so helpless.

But, I'll still try.
I'll still carry on with what I'm doing, without a doubt.
I still choose to keep my faith going.
I will still continue the walk, for sure.

God, I love You.
Get me through this.

It hurts.
ALL around it.

Drive me crazy.
With those request.
How much do I have to repeat.
Tell me.
How many times do you want me to repeat.
So my points get into your mind.
To make you understand and S.T.O.P .

Is my reply vague?
Or you just can't get it.

No offence, but you're really not the one.
Look, there're a lot out there.

Just move on & forget about me yeah?!

Last time I'll repeat.

I WILL NOT BE MOVED.

WILL NEVER NEVER BE

TOUCHED.

* TSK.
It really bothers me a lot when I've no reason to my feelings for it.
Cut it out.

:D

People~~
Get workers to get your house painted in the future when needed ya?
Tsk, painting a house is never easy! :(

Aww, what a great suggestion from me!
That Mummy, Daddy, Andrew & I should paint the house our own!
Mummy said this, ' You sure? '
I said , ' Why not?! It's our house you know! '

I manage to persuade her :D

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Yesterday.
I regretted.
Aww, I know I shouldn't.
BUT.
I really regretted :O
Hm...
It was really tiring.............. ZZZ!!!

Mummy was right.
' You're going to regret it for sure. '

Hee, painted half of the room and... that was it.
:O
AHAHA, Daddy complete everything with Andrew.
But it's a great experience!
( I thought I can dooooodleee on the wall , you know... The stickman and stuffs. But I got a scolding from mummy. It was hilarious! )

ILOVEMUMMY.

SHE'STHEBEST

OF THE BEST(s).

I love her.

Love her.

Love her.

Love her!!!

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TOMORROW.

Heading to Yiren's place ( again ) .
Hm... Hope that I won't drive him crazy ( again ) .
HAHAHA, excited to master that skill.
As it really helps alot for my Quiet Time.
Whoo~~

Currently , in love with the show.
The POLO BOYS from channel 5.
Watch it, peple :)

Now it's 9:15.
2 more hours to my date with mummy.
PSSS, we're going to have supper.
:D

* Baby-sitting now. She's so cute when she's not crying. HAHAHA.
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Di dum... Di dum...
I'm so afraid.
I feel so small.
Even when things were okay.
Call it paranoid.

TODAY.

Went to Yiren's place to learn a skill.
That's so essential for my Quiet Time.
HAHAHA, he had a hard time teaching me i guess.
Hee, but I'm determined to learn it.
His patience is something I appreciate.
Hee, yeah. This part is for YIREN TAN.
Be it you see this, or not.
I still have to say : THANK YOU :D ( Take it, GREEN. Your fav colour. )

Be it that, or it.
They both motivates me to learn.
But giving up is the last thing I'll do.

Hee, I had so much fun learning it...
Just when..
The other group of friends went to TOWN.

ORCHARD. ( ION )
Aww, i missed it.
But no doubt, there'll be a next one.
Hee, for sure.

Hm, holiday is coming.
Catching up with my studies is essential.
Fellowship with the Lord is essential.
Having time for myself is essential too.

Oh~
Let Bible Study & Him flood my schedule.
Let school events flood my schedule.
Let them flood my mind & make me live my life to the fullest !!!
Aww, but people....,,,
Catching a movie or a staged play is what I feel like doing now.
:)
* winks.

Tomorrow is a day where I'll be very busy.
Perhaps going to the doctor ( my eyes had an infection AGAIN I suppose, it hurts. )
Cleaning my new apartment, yes yes, I'm shifting.
Hee, cleaning = sweat + energy.
Sounds gross, it's going to be tiring.

Anyway, a big SORRY to those that I've called ( wrongly or accidentally ) .
Really sorry.
My phone has spoilt.
Your understanding is what I need :)

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As I recall, the ART paper still makes me scared.
AWW, I dooooooodleeee alot alot alot.
Abstract is what I'm good at.
Drawing something by not using my imagination, was beyong my imagination.
I never like to doing that.
I like drawings but I never like to draw.
Praise God!!! I manage to complete it.

Hee, anyway.
Do watch the POLO BOYS from channel 5.
Aww :D

* Excited, tuesday.
My next lesson :)

Di dum....
Di dum...

http://www.davidcookofficial.com/us/home

:D

I love his voice.

Today.
My mind is in a whirl.
I stared at the blank space.
I've so much to think about.
I guess that's also why I don't know where to start from.

So much things are bothering me these days.
Whenever I do something, I can hear myself saying.

' Is this right? '

Every single thing I do, I hesitate.
Every word I say, I hesitate.
I doubt myself.
Why is this happening?
Since when is this happening?
I have no idea.

And recently.
That feeling overwhelms me.
If I say it doesn't affect me, I'm just purely lying.
If I say it doesn't matter, I'm cheating all !

Frustrated with myself.
Venting it on my life.

Sour isn't nice, isn't sweet.
Sweet isn't nice, but bitter.
Taste it !
You'll not regret.
Never.
Be it bitter, sweet or sour.
Forever it stay at the tip.
Excite your taste buds!
Burn away those wishful thoughts I have.

As jealousy & fear crept into my heart.
Embrace is what I do.
What I have, to resist?

Avoiding & hiding.
Fix that expression on my face.
Am I happy?
Lips glued, silence filled my mouth.
I find no answer to that.

I'm miserable but I'm not.
Better than others I can say. I am !

Inside.
I can't deny I'm feeling terrible.
Outside.
I can't deny that I actually cared.
But all I can deny is 'someone understand how I feel'

Hey... Can you look?
There I am , standing, waiting.

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Among all the secrets I have, there's only one.
That is kept deeply within me.
I tried my best to suppress it, to control myself from making it known to people.
I tried to pretend, tried to deny.
But somehow, my acting skills in life...
Is terribly LOUSY.

Yes yes, I've never come across any complicated script other than life.
Unlike on stage.
Everything is planned for you.
All you need to do is just memorize the lines & try your best to present your character well.
At the end of the play, the sight of audience tearing with you...
The sound of the applause, really will make you feel satisfied & blessed!!

For life.
Everything is unexpected.
When things do happen, you might not know what to say, what to do.
The ending is never planned.
And sometimes, you don't even know the casts of this script & what character you're acting!

You sometimes might be the hero in the scene, saving people all around.
You might be a convict, hiding throughout the whole play.
There might be times during the scene, you don't know know which character you really are.

But.
We'll still choose to carry on with this play.
Knowing inside that, anything can just happen and twist the ending you thought it should be.
Knowing that there might not be anyone to applause for you at the end of the performance.
Knowing that there will be some audience that is not satisfied with you, forever pointing you down.
All you can do is smile and say.

' I have tried. '

Despite all those troubles, people still carry on to do their best till the end !
To me, those who make it to the ending without giving up, is really really remarkable.
I find that the most amazing.
Don't you?

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*

Now, all I hope is my deepest secret will forever be kept unknown.
Those who're trusted by me, will never ever spill the beans.
And to God I pray, that person will never ever find out.
Amen!

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Aww, people.
I know I know this blog is definitely DEAD DEAD DEAD.
But I can't help it :P

Hm...
Exams are coming.
Help me, with my maths.
ARGH!!!
After exams, there'll be lots of event lining up for me.

Band, GB, band, Gb, band, GB.

I want time for more family days!
I want time for my friends!
I want time for more bible study!
I want time for myself!
I want...

HAHAHA, whatever it is, I still have to carry on !!
Buck up.

Aww, I'll find time again to update this dying blog :D
Wait for me!

PS: I still love RED alot alot. Crazy for it. Whoo~~~~

Di dum di dum di dum.........

WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE

Aww!!!

I thought I could rely on my feelings & I thought it was alright.

I'm just utterly sad when I heard that news.

People, shall I just stop all these before it's toooooo deep?

I...

Sigh!

Before I could even react, it's gone.

I'm so lost.

ARGH!

:'(

I guess.

Right from the start, I expect too much.

Sigh, people.

I shouldn've have think too much.

But the problem is.

What should I do now, in order to stop this feeling.

The feeling that I had 3 years ago.

Yes yes.

That feeling.

' Forget it '

I said that.

But...

If only I could DO it.

Remember...
We sat there.
Countless minutes & seconds.
The sun sweet over our heads.
When I started to slip into sleep, on your shoulder.
You ran your fingers over my rib cage.
Till I was laughing so hard that...
I couldn't breathe.
After...
After...
After that matter.
After it.
After that.

I heard someone say.
' You still holding on to him? You're better off without him. He's breaking your heart. You're breaking you heart. '

And...
My breathe fell away from my lung.
When I sent you, my fears about the future.
You reminded how much I was worth & worth in your eyes.

Yes, you always greet me with crushing hugs that pressed our hearbeats into one.
But, I can't sense you.
Can't sense what you think & feel.
Yes, our heart seemed to be together.
It seemed that way !
But, in fact.
We're not.

I rather things to go on.
But ( again ) .
It's okay.
We're 'just friends' already.
I'll be contented with that smile.

I doubt I want that anymore.
But ( again & again ) .
I take forever to get over things.

Aww, why?
So sad isn't it?
Haunt by failed relationships.

I need a break :)
Not forever.
But ( again & again & again )
Not so fast.

Busy life makes me falling sick. So packed.
Give me a break !!

* Anyway... All the old post ( very very old ones ) , will not be up here so soon. I take forever to type also.
By the way... I still do love RED :) More & more each day !!!!

Forever ~
Forever ~
Forever ...

People.
I still can't finish typing allllll my post.
It's alot.
I uses 2 pathetic fingers to type :) HAHAHA ( laugh all you want )
Hm...
I'm trying...
:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
Have patience with me alright? :)
WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA !!!!
Anyway, June is a BUSY month for me !!

HEY PEOPLE !!

Miss me right~~~~ :)
Hee, this blog is definitely ALIVE.

No worries, LONG LONG LONG post about the past few
daysss, is going to launch on this blog !

Excited right~

STAY TUNE.

WAHAHAHAHAHAHA !!!!

loves Evon~

15th May

Aww~~

Boring boring & boring...

Sick sick & sick...

Tsk...

Spent alot of time sleeping & drinking green bean soup.

I've drank more than 10 bowls already!!

Haha, of course, spent my time reading my beloved books :D Which I don't get to read these few months~

Don't feel like going out to anywhere...
Partly is because of my sore eyes.
Although it's RED , but I don't like it AT ALL...
As... It is swollen!
And... It somehow make me feel dizzy & make my head hurts alot.
Ouch :(

Recovered from fever :)
Good improvemet~ !!
Hee~ :D

There's no need to go to school these days~
As there're marking day & stuffs!
I'm EXCITED for tomorrow!
Hee...
ANGLICAN HIGH SCHOOL & DRILL TEST !!
Whoo !!
Haha, although I'm not taking the drill test, but kind of excited for the others !!
:)
GB RULES~~~ :)
Hm...
First, there will be a test for GB mates, after will be the rehearsals for enrolment performance ( fancy drill ) Then, will be enrolment meeting... But i'll not be going :)

Because...............................................
I HAVE A DATE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D
:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

WITH !!!!
The doctor ~.~
Tsk... Although I can't make it, but I'll still be Anglican High to support the others!! :)

Whoo! Tomorrow will be going to City Harvest :)
Okay, ~~~~~
I'm excited :D
HAHA!
Miss school & GB.
June wil be a busy month anyway!!

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16th May

Hm... How to describe my day ( night ) ...

Not much to talk about drill test~
Only know that it wasn't really really really well done~~ HAHA !! Maybe it's because we've not been practicing drill since drill competition..
I was really nervousfor them that time !!
But... Hm... Sigh... How would I know...

ALMOST EVERTONE PASSED !!!
CONGRATULATIONS !!!
:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
Haha, on our way back Anglican High , JIALIN gave me the present she prepared.
IT'S A RED RED RED RED EARPIECE !!!
I love it love it love it love it that I screamed so loud when I saw it :D

She goes ' I regret giving it to you now. '

HAHA...
AWW, thank you Anabelle & Jialin :)
( The gift was given by both of them. For more details, go to Jialin's blog. Don't know? It's okay.
CHECK THE LINKS. Haha! )

After that, went back school to see the rehearsal !
All thanks to Jialin, that I'm not involve in it ( as she's the one that decide who should be involve & her decision was ' Alomost everyone except for drill commitee ' Which includes me !! :D
Haha.. BB were also involve in fancy drill... It's really funny... HAHAHA..

AWW~
After that, was suppose to stay back till 4:30pm for enrolment meeting.
In the end, got to skip it.
For the doctor appointment.
Whatever illness you could think of .
Hee, I'm fine already.
But my eyes still hurt at times.
THank for the concern people...

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*

Went to City Harvest ! :D
AWW, there's someone on stage ( I don't know who is she~ )
But she sounds kind of formidable in someway & somehow..
Hm................................................................................................................
Yup~ birthday tomorrow.
But.... Celebrated already.
With one bunch of friends today !!!!! :D
I'm very happy okay !!!!!
Readers, YOU'LL never know how happy I felt !!!! :D
I'm just.... VERY HAPPY.
Aww~~ I was so embarrassed when they sang me the birthday song :)
It's seriously LOUD !
HAHA... I feel so so blessed..
There's alot to say about tonight.
Hm.............................................................................................................
Tsk...
TOO HAPPY to post anything...

Haha, start from the beginning.
When I was waiting for the train at Tanah Merah.
Then...
I saw Kenneth & Nicholas !!
What a coincidence... HAHA!
At first, Kenneth say we're going to meet at 4:45 pm.
But when we got on the train, it's already late, by a few minutes !!
He : You're late
Me: You're late too

It's really hilarious... HAHAHA...
Then had service....
After that... There comes the birthday song.
The words... the blessings...
Went into my ears ( where I can hear )
Went into my brain ( where I can remember )
And...
To my heart ( where I can feel )
........
AWW~~ I'm touched.

Then move on to games !!
Hm...
It was fun :D
But it's too stuffy :P
People flood the place!!
Hot hot hot.
Hot hot hot.
But.....................................
Fun fun fun.
Fun fun fun.

* moments passed...

Went to meet others at MRT station...
On the way, talked to Desmond.
Chat chat & chat.
Till I've become his ' mistress ' ?
HAHA?
HAHA.
HAHAHA :)

Hee, gathered around..
Talked & have fun with alot of people...
Hm...
Not alot.
But quite alot,
HAHA...

Took pictures of CK eating that little boy :P
Nice shot !!

They're really a fun to be with... Seriously~ :D
Then Nicholas describe me as ' weird' / ' special ' .
AWW?
That's just.................. ME !!!
Still asked number of boyfriends and blah.
So funny , oh my gosh ~~ !!!!!

On MRT, Meijuan wanted to see my necklace.
Accidentally pulled the collar of my P.E shirt.
Nicholas was like .
What're you doing?!
Don't anyhow pull !
Then i continued ' He's a guy ' .
Hee!
That happened before service too.
That's why it's extra super duper funny.
He was standing at a point where.... Ya :)
HAHA!
Then, all of us went our separate ways home.
I alight at the same stop as the two brothers ( haha ) & grace .
So... Alight together !!! HAHAHA...
Kenneth was trying to snatch my EZ-link card away from me!
What's so special?!
Why he wants to see ?!
He just want to take a look at the photo.
Tsk... HIDE HIDE & HIDE.
Because... I'M SHY :)
HAHA!!
Didn't let him have his way until I top up my card.
He took it away & I'm too slow to stop him ~.~
Grace & Nicholas was using the ' chance ' to look also -.-

AWW! So embarrassed that I've nothing to say & blurted out...
' I'm going to cry ! '

They were all laughing... Because of the picture & partly because of my reaction.
Haha... So shy !!!!
Tsk..
After headed home! :)

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I'm really happy.... What a night !!
:D
Whoo!

Thank you for all the gifts, friends !!
Thanks for all the handshakes & messages !!
Thank you....
I"M EXTREMELY HAPPY!
WAHAHAHAHA!!!
I'm goingto hug that massaging strawberry massaging cushion that ANGELA gave me, to sleep!
HEE, thank you.... !!!!

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17th May

Want to thank all the people for sending ALL the messages to me at 12a.m this EARLY EARLY EARLY morning !
Haha...
My inbox was flooded with messeges & it kept shutting down...
AWW~
Surprisingly, when the clock strikes 12, the first message I received, is from MIN QI !!!
Still can remember what she said to me before I went home.
' I might be the first one to send you ! '
HAHA...
WOW?
WOW :)
Sorry to disappoint Desmond~
You're not the first...
HAHA...
There's always next year!! :P

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OH MY OH MY OH MY !!!!
It's SINGAPORE ARTS FESTIVAL 2009 !!!
Whoo!
Whoo!
WHOO HOO~~~

AWW~ seriously want the ticket for ' ANNA KARENINA ' !!
I want to watch that drama !!!! :D
:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
Grant me , grant me that !!!

Although it'll only be perform on the 29th - 30th may, but it's NEVER EARLY to think about it !!
Haha...

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18th May

Bad news!
Bad news!
Bad news for me.
It didn't turn out well~ expected.
Geography was okay :)
English... TSK.
OKay, I can definitely say that, this time is exception.
For the next English paper, it won't turn out this way.
The result is incredibly far away from what I expect.
Utterly disappointed.
It's just NOT GOOD.

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*

Anyway, today had our DRAMA WORKSHOP!
AWW!!!
SHAKESPEAR !!!!!!
Want to learn his language...
Had fun today!
The whole session was not all about DRAMA DRAMA & DRAMA only.
It's also a story-telling session , told by our instructor ' MERVYN ' !!
He's so cool & fuuny throughout the whole lesson.
' Romeo & Juliet '
Sounds familiar right ~~
SHAKESPEAR is definitely talented.
Hee, morning received Nicholas' phone call.
He wanted to borrow my tie.

Blah blah blah, blah blah & blah blah, blah blah.
That how he got his tie.
Cool right ?
HAHAHA...

After school went for lunch.
Jialin , Xin ting & Neo min.
Went to popular.
Assessment book,
Maths.
Science.
Might be staying back after school & practice all I've learnt in school , after June holidays.
See me in school doing work?
Isn't surprise.
I don't want to stuck here anymore.
I want to move on.
I need motivation.
I need time.
I need energy.
I need the right attitude & determination !
I'll have this & I'll score.

Tsk... :'(

It's okay Evon~~

LOVE RED TO THE MAX :D

*You made me recall of what she did to me. Open my recovered wound & hurt me all over again. Just like that that day. That second. How to forget what she did? Forgive? OUCH okay. How to?!

Happy birthday to you~
Happy birthday to you~
Happy Birthday to Evon~
Happy birthday to RED ~

HAHAHA... Alot to post okay!!!!
About today, yesterday & other days !
Stay tune people~ :)

* might be posting... Hm... SOON :)

*** ANNA KARENINA ***
I'm crazy for it !!!!!!!

Chatted with WYD.
Aww?
So funny...
Come back soon man !!
Tsk...
HAHA..
It's been very since I see him...
Probably talking to him on phone in 3hours time...
It'll be when he wake up from his sleep...
The time difference is so big!
We're in different part of the world...
Canada VS Singapore.
WAHAHAHA !!!

The curfew tolls the knell of parting day.
The lowing herd winds slowly o'er the lee.
The ploughman homeward plods his weary way.
And leave the world to darkness & to me.

I love you.
I love you.
I love you, devine! ♥

Yesterday night, 13th May.

***

Talked to him at night..

Just a conversation with a few sentences.

Hm~

I'll still get butterflies when I do so.

My heart is pumping real fast that time,

I could hardly catch my breath &

Type my words without my hand getting sweaty.

I'm definitely nervous...

Yes yes, it's this kind of feeling.

Nervous yet excited.

This feeling hasn't change from the past till now.

AWW~ not yet.

I've not get over.

Haha~

But I AM GETTING over.

Hee...

Let it be...

Leave it...

It is healing itself !

Amazing :D

When I don't feel like doing anything to it, it actually heal by itself.

The more I try,

The more I force myself,

The more impossible it is..

Leave it untouched is the best choice.

Haha, never thought it'll be this fast.

Not expected at all.

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QUIZ :D

Real name : Evon Tang Li Yan

Nickname: CALL ME RED !

Age: 14

Horoscope: Taurus

Male / female: I'm a girl :)

Primary school: Bedok Green Primary school

Secondary school: Springfield Secondary

Poly/ JC: I prefer... JC

University: School of red :)

Hair colour : I want it to be red.

Long or short: Long

Loud or quiet: Loud

Sweats or jeans: I prefer shoe.

Phone or camera: CAMERA

Health freak: Maybe :)

Drink or smoke: NEVER.

Do you have a crush on someone? : No.

Eat or drink? : Eat.

Piercings? : I have two holes on my ear, which i regretted.

First piercing: Primary 4/5. It's painful & I cried.

Tattos? : NEVER.

Social or anti-social : SOCIAL.

First sex : I'm still virgin. After marriage man~

First best friend : Cherry. And it's the last.

First award: $$$

First kiss : I'm shy to say.

First pet : I don't like animals.

First big vacation: ??

First love at first sight : NEVER.

First hug : Mummy gave it to me.

Wearing : RED

Thinking : RED

Staring at : YOU

Chatting with : Simeon on phone.

Running speed : I fly.

Want to : Eat seafood

Feel like: Laughing

Bathe : Sometimes.

Brush teeth : I brush it in the morning already.

Legs or hand : Legs.

Defend or attack : Attack.

Fly or walk : Walk.

Teeth or tongue : Tongue.

Give or borrow : Give & borrow.

Serious or fun : Serious & fun

Drinking : Beloved Honeysuckle Tea.

Eating : I love seafood

About to : stop this quiz.

Excitement level : I'm not excited.

Listening to : WHATEVER IT TAKES

Plans for today : To get well.

Waiting for : Saturday to come.

Energy level : I'm not energetic now.

Thinking of : RED

Want kids : Yes.

Want to get married : Hm... Yes no.

Careers in mind : I want to work in the asylum.

Last pet: I don't like animals.

Flavor love : Chocolate

Patient or impatient : Depends.

Eternity or temporary : Forever.

Friendship or love : Family.

Cute or handsome : They're useless.

Give up friendship or love : Give up love.

Lips or eyes : EYES. I need to see red~

Romantic or funny : FUNNY.

Shorter or taller : TALLER.

Protective or caring : Both are important.

Romantic or spontaneous : Romantic.

Nice stomach or nice arms : Nice legs.

Sensitive or loud : LOUD.

Hook-up or relationship : Flirt.

Trouble-maker or hesitant : Peace-maker.

Willing to kiss : Every kissable things.

Frustrated when : I'm frustrated.

Happy when : I'm happy.

Lost glasses / contacts : Primary 3.

Ran away from home : NEVER.

Held a gun/knife for self defense : I use scissors &~ it's red :)

Killed someone : NEVER.

Broken some one's heart : DEFINITELY YES.

Been arrested : ??

Cried when someone died : Hm.. Not really.

Miss someone alot alot : YES. ALOT ALOT.

Ever thought of dying : NEVER.

Yourself : I'm weird & I LOVE RED.

Miracles: Is there such thing?

Love at first sight : I don't believe in that.

Heaven : Where?

Santa Claus : He wears red :D

Tooth fairy : I'm not naive.

Kiss on first date : Try it if you dare.

Afraid of anything : I'm afraid to type it here.

Is there somebody you want to be with right now : No.

Are you happy with your life : I'm satisfied :D

Do you believe in God : ... Somehow... Yes.

Do you love yourself: I LOVE MYSELF VERY MUCH.

AWW~

loves
♥

YESTERDAY, 12th may.

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Woke up at 8:30pm after a ' nap' .

I'm SO~~ tired~

The moment I wake up.

I feel angry.

I don't know why.

But anger just overwhelms me.

I just feel so~ irritated & stuffy inside.

I have the urge to cry !!

Have the urge to smash all my things !!

Have the urge to scream~ at the top of my voice !!

I'm just VERY angry.

Out of nothing...

Don't feel like picking up any calls !!

Don't feel like replying all the messages !!

I'm VERY angry.

Nothing can cools me down.

I feel breathless & irritated.

Don't look at me.

Don't talk to me either.

Don't provoke me.

I'll BITE.

I'll scream at your face & smack you !

I'm~ very angry.

I'm too emotional.

Funny ? :)

Laugh then !!

Don't get it wrong...

I'm not suffering from depression.

Anyway, if I'm suffering from that, will I be able to tell?

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Hm.. Exam is over.

Results are worth waiting but I know it's

not going to be good news.

PHEW!

Over is already over~ :)

How I wish I could go to Esplanade & the Drama Centre Theatre

NOW.

There're a few upcoming performances... ( They always got NEW shows anyway :D )

' Anna Karenina ' IS NICE OKAY!!

It's a emotional dance drama of love,

perform with the company of music.

AWW~

Staged play is always the choice for me~

Want to watch it badly :(

CALL SISTIC

Oh ya...

As for the..

' A Madwoman's Diary '

I realize it's from 7th may - 9th may !

Because of stuffsssss,

I've forgotten to book the ticket.

The play is seriously cool :)

But I missed it :(

Always missed the play that I'm dying to watch

Tsk...

Sigh...

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TODAY.

Was a...

Hm... Great day?

Had Listening Comprehension for 40

minutes.

After that, was being released :)

A waste of time alright?

Why not just test us YESTERDAY~

Haha. went to Bugis with Simeon :)

Together with Chelcy & clarissa~

Something happened~

But.

It's okay...

Still friends alright?

Hee.

I want $$$ !!!

I want to buy...

Buy everything that I've laid my eyes on :)

' 10 dollar , 10 dollar. '

Haha... Got to save really fast to satisfy myself~

!!!!!

***

I'm SICK :'(

AGAIN.

I've been really weak~ this year..

TSK !!!

SLEPT for a few hours...

I should say...

I've slept alot alot today...

I'm dizzy!

I'm fainting! ( That's too exaggerating... )

I'm just sick... :(

Sigh...

But had seafood for dinner !

Kind of happy...

These few days won't be going to school~

I MISS SCHOOL.

***

Hm...

This coming Saturday.

There'll be drill test at Anglican High.

JiaLin, Kristal, Sherry, Me & some people ( I forgotten who they are )

Have passed when we took it the last time!!

But !

I'm still going to support them...

Must pass okay!!

Hm.. On that day..

Maybe I'll bring some hairclips... ( In case their hair is messy & without any clip to do their hair)

I'll bring my Nametag... Haversash... Cap... ( In case they forget to bring any of them )

Anyway, I'll just bring whatever I can...

POLISH BOOTS MOST IMPORTANTLY :D

IRON UNIFORM :D

PRACTICE DRILL :D

***

That's all...

Don't know when I'll blog again..

But stay tune :)

***

LOVE RED ALOT :)

Me, CK & serene :)

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4th May.

This morning received lots of luck for exams~
Thanks~
They meant well, I know.
They really meant well anyway.
But to me...
Hm...
Kind of pressurized actually.

Early in the morning rain !!
So decided to try another route to school (:
Hoping that I won't get lost..
In the end reached school just on time.
Phew !!

Okay... Today is English paper (:
I can cope with composition, letter writing !!
But...
Oh my oh my :(
Why can't I understand the comprehension passage ?!
For the first time, I've so much difficulty understanding the passage !!
Everyone say it's okay, they can cope.
But I don't feel that way!
Even cried because of that !
WOW?
Cried cried & cried as if I failed my maths.
Worse than that actually.
English!
I can't believe it !!

' Why you take it so seriously ? Why take it so hard. '

Why ?!
Because it MATTERS , that's why it's AFFECTING me.
I don't have much confidence left for the rest of the paper.
I want to give up !!
I want.
I seriously want !
But with all those hopes pinning on me, how can I?

With my people around me supporting, how? :)
Okay.
Fine.
It's alright~~ , the next exam.
It won't be a problem I hope..

Haha, thanks Kenneth for all his words~~
Hm.. Thanks Xin ying & Simeon for being there when I cry like crazy~
Sorry to scare all of you :)

**
*

Hm.... Cousin Junior going to Australia for 3 months !
At first grandma told me he going for 3 weeks!
Mummy told me he going for 3 years !!
Wow! I was stunned when I heard that !
But he say he will be back in 3 months time.
Haha..
Went to airport at 6 plus~
Going to send him off~
Had dinner with him, wow? :o
A bowl of prawn noodle can cost $$6 here ?!
It isn't cheap okay!
Aww~~ going to miss him !
haha, hope he'll come back safe & sound~

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5th May

Mummy went Malaysia to attend the funeral this morning~
Okay, at first she say she'll be coming back at Saturday,
And give me all the instructions & things to take note when she's not around these days.
Alot alot to remember.
I'm way to blur to remember .
No choice but to write down.

But then, this morning she told me that she'll be gone for only 2 days at most?
OH MY!!
So I've been relying on her the past few years.
Rely her on everything.

I've no idea how much washing powder should I put into the washing machine when washing the clothes.
I've no idea how to cook a proper meal.
I've no idea how to sweep the floor.
I have no idea how to iron my clothes.
I've no idea how to hang & fold my clothes.
I've no idea how to wake up early without her shaking me up !!!!!

Can't imagine life without her!!!!!

***
**
*

Hm~ Today's essay question was quite simple, as the similar question appear during a test before~~
Ay 11 plus, revised maths with Miss Fadzlin till 3 !
After that went to Airport for that ' mini-study ' group.
Haha, almost get lost,
CK helped me out...
It's scary okay!!

He's fun~
Serene teach ed me maths..
Hee~ so happy...
After that, everyone went home, left me with CK.
He's really fun okay !!
He ate curry chicken rice & say the potato taste like PAPER !
Everything taste like paper!
Gosh...
So funny lalalalalala...
then on, he keep telling me how long does it take to fry all those chicken & fries..
I guess it's because he's working in KFC..
That's why he know all these~
It's really hilarious as he'll be like, ' Hm.. Fries is 2 minutes 45 second . Chicken is 3 minutes '
HAHA!

Qi Feng joined us awhile later~ :D
Hee, she's so funny when I asked her to act as if she's really angry~ !!
She goes~~~~
' I'm angry okay !! ' but with a grin on her face~
Gosh~
It's really funny...
Haha...

Got to wake up myself tomorrow!! :'(
Maths & Geography paper tomorrow!!
All the best Evon.
Thanks Kenneth for offering your help..
Those ' You can do it !! ' actually helps.
Friends are part of my life...
THANKS !!
Flood my phone with your calls...

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6th May.

This morning woke up at 5!
Mummy's not around ~
No one is going to shake me up from bed.
Last night , prepared 3 alarm clocks & put them in daddy's room & my room.
2 for me.
1 for me.
In the end I didn't make use of it ~~ ( It's okay ).
But my phone's alarm wake me up!!
' Whatever it takes ' ~~~~
Haha..
But thanks friends for calling anyway !!!!
:D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D
Thank you..
Thank you..
Thank you..

Hm, woke up~
Washed all clothes~
I still remember how much washing powder to put alright~~ !!!
After that bring in those dried clothes~
It's alot okay!!!
And :P
My skill of hanging clothes, is terribly lousy..
Haha, first try~
It's okay..
I guess I'm tooo pampered.
Don't even know how to do all those chores!
Suddenly , heard the sound of thunder !
Oh my, then it started to rain..

Rain... Rain... Rain...
Got to wake Andrew up from school !!
Almost forgot about it~

When I was preparing his bread, he said ' You look like mummy. ' with that cheeky face.
After all~
Mummy's not around so, I'm his mother indeed.

***
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*

Okay, Maths make me speechless.
Haha, Geography..
Hm..
I will pass maybe ? :)

Went to airport again !!
Bus 24, train!
I've been taking them these few days ~
Study...
Tsk, actually talk alot :P

CK always bring food there!
Haha, he really wants to make the rest fat...
Hm.. :(
Haha, always tempts us with food !!
Serene & Qi feng is seriously very very very funny..
Hee, get to know them more & more..

Hope mummy comes home tomorrow morning!
I've mummy sick~~

I can't go on like this.
I can't rely on her everyday, every time...
I have to be more independent..

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7th May.

Today had my Science paper !
It does not require much thinking..
But... I didn't study enough.
So... Not much different actually :)

Went home at 11 !
Soon after the paper is over.
Mummy is at home !!
HAHA, I'm very happy happy happy & very happy..

Today spend alot of time waiting for bus..
It took ages to come!!
Love the sunrise this morning & love the sunlight !!!!!
AWW~~
I'm feeling very very happy today !!!!
:D :D :D :D :D :D :D

Feeling aren't complicated at all~
Happy, sad, angry, confused, excited, etc...
Are they... really that complicated?
Sometimes they are.
But it's not actually ~

You like it. Meaning is : You like it.
You don't like it. Meaning is: You don't like it.
It's that simple..
Hee~~
But certain times, people don't get others, they don't even get themselves also.
They ( including me )
don't know what they're feeling at times.

When things changed.. When thing are different..
Feeling helpless, they.....
They scream...
Scream!
Scream!!

For help, for someone...
For someone to just reach out his/her hands to help..
But.
Sometimes, people choose to keep their hands to themselves.
WHY?
Hm...
Maybe they're afraid...
Hm...
Maybe they're awkward.
Sure ? :)
I doubt so.
There might be some reasons behind, but it's best ( not ) to know.
It...
Depends.
Depends on you.
Depends on the person ( If they're willing to share )
Why make things so complicated when it doesn't help at all.
Isn't it ? :)

***
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*
Went out awhile with mummy, in the noon.
Oh gosh, spot an apparel !!
It really catch my attention ( although it's not red ~ )
But it's $$$ 78 after discount !
Expensive okay !!
And I'm still saving up for my bill...
I've reached 100 bucks !!
* applause applause !
HAHA, another 50 bucks more...
Hee, $$$ 150 , I'm coming!
Wait for me..........

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At night, mummy told me about that funeral.
WOW ??????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
EVERONE IS TO WEAR RED !!! RED !! RED !!! RED !!!!!!
It's because she died at 100 years old.. And it's kind of celebration.
I want to go !!!
Hahahaha....
The last time I visited them in Malaysia, is when I'm primary 4 ?
( Don't get it wrong, I'm not a Malaysian, haha~ )
It's been a long time !!
Maybe going there this June holiday if my schedule allows me to...
I really want to go!!

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8th May.

Today , celebrated Xin Ting's birthday... :D
With Anabelle, Jia Lin , Neo Min & Liana.
Obviously including Xin Ting & me !!

Went to restaurant.. ( forgot the name )
They mainly sells spaghetti~~
Oh my oh my!
They look nice & appealing~
Hee, I guess Liana & Ana will never want to eat CHEESE again..
HAHA!
I ordered an spaghetti called ( I forgot the name again )
It's a weird name but it's nice & healthy !!
They cooked it with olive oil ~~ !! :D
There's prawn , clams...
It's just seafood !!
LOVE seafood... ALOT !!
Luckily I'm not allergic to it... :D
Phew~
I love red pepper, tomatoes , lettuce &... MORE vegetables ~~
They're just tasty...

Hee, after that, carry on with the next session !
This session is seriously important ...
Every time we had out outing , we'll never miss this session...
HAHA!!
It's the ( gossiping , chatting & laughing ) session !!
Haha, we'll share everything there...
Cool~ Fun~ I'm over the moon !!
Happy birthday to Xin Ting anyway ~~
* Pssss ! She got lots of Pooh bear as present !
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA,
I never like soft toy.
EWWWWWW~ I never like to touch or even hug them...
Oh no~
Spare me from that.
They're like so soft & furry?

To: soft toy lovers.
' I've no offence~~ '

Birthday birthday... Alot more is coming...
Today... Tsk...
Okay~ wondering how is it going to celebrate it.
I should not be thinking right from the start.
Alright ~ it's over..
But before the clock strike 12 today, still want to say ' Happy Birthday ' .
* blinks blinks !!
Feel like a fool today.

***
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*

Oh ya.. Today's paper was perfectly, amazingly, incredibly tough !!!
Everything was gong well when it just started.
Then on, more & more things seem to be blocking the way...

More&more&more...
Block&block&block...

Things is always like that isn't it?
It seemed smooth at first...
After some time, we tend to trip & fall.
But we still choose to try again & again.
Try to be alert & careful next time...
Until...

Until we couldn't see clearly anymore..
We can't see what's ahead of us..
Can't see where the path leads..
Can't see where's the end.
We'll be frightened & stunned.
Soon, we'll choose to give up.
I'll call it ' Just taking a beak. ' .
Tired isn't it?

WE need time to cool down & think where we want to go before we could move on.
But never take too long.
We'll missed out alot of things by then.

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*
I want to say ' HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY ' to mummy !!
I LOVE HER.
I want to thank her for every single thing she did for me !!
Including waking me up every morning, Every single cent she give me & the time she spent
on me!
Also, the love she gave me.
I LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER LOVE HER!!

I hope she'll be happy everyday :D
I want her to be happy :D
She will be happy :D

Love your mothers people~~
They definitely love you.
Life is seriously fragle!
A slight prick can cause death !
Can cause them to just... DIE.
Treasure them..

* When everything seem the end, you helped me out. Pull me up from all these... All those...
Waiting waiting & waiting one day...
One day when you need me. When I can be there for you :)
Tell me, I'm ready :D

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9th April.

I'm on bus. Yes, that night after going to Harvest City.
Have fun there & I've learnt something from Min Qi & kenneth...
Yes, that night.

Was feeling very sleepy...
Going to fall asleep...
Suddenly, I think of you.
I think & think.
That's when I realize.
I forgot how you look like...
Your appearance.
GONE !
I've forgotten.
I really can't remember.
I was shocked! I was scared ! I was like ' How come I've forgotten?! '
I tried to remember it.
Tried really really really hard.
I somehow see that eyes, nose, ears, & that mouth.
But they're very vague & faint..
Suddenly I find it hard to make them stay put in my memory.

I always want to cling onto it, hold on to it & remember it.
Now I know,
They're going to disappear one day for sure.
Kind of happy & relief actually.
These are signs that I'm getting over.
I'm not sure if I'm too tired to remember or it no longer matters.
But.. I just kind of forgotten about it without me knowing :)
It's a good sign & I'm relief :D

Starts to fade...
Bit by bit, it's fading.
You're getting further & further away from my sight each day.
Shoo, go away.

The more I want to remove you from my heart, the painful it is.
So. Leave it.
The pain that I suffered from it?
Leave it too.
Time will make everything to fade.
It will do the job (:

Evon~~~ Your friends will be there for you !
* Friends, upon reading this, nod your head & say YES :D Trust me, I'll know !! :)

Haha, it'll soon be totally over~ aww too bad, so sad :)

Yup, you still stay in place. Still in my heart.
Yes yes , that place.
Never been touched or moved.
Neither you're being replaced.
But soon, :)
You'll not be there.
Soon, you'll be totally out of my mind & my life.
Whoo, bye.

Someday when I look into the crowd, I might find you there. It'll be good if I could recognize you.
But it isn't that bad if I can't :)

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' Hey, what's that littlething shining on your neck? ' someone siad this to me.
' You sure? It isn't shining anymore, it's getting dull each day! '
' Quite nice~ where you bought it?'
' It's indeed very nice. Someone gave it to me. '
' Aww, such a good taste. '
' You like it? I can give it to you. '
' No no, It's yours. not nice for me to take it! Haha, keep it for yourself. '
' Mine? I doubt so. But.... Sure~ '

I know that little thing hanging down there, will soon have alot of scratches & it will stop glowing as long as I stop dreaming, stop wishing. That little little thing.

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12th May.

I'm now at Jialin 's place, using her laptop to typr all these!! TSK !!!
HAHA, it's alot...~~
Today , received my first b'day gift. From SIMEON~~
It is a RED ALARM CLOCK.
Haha, she know that I need 1 to wake me up :D
I'm happy today :D

Hee~

LOVE RED ALOT~~ ALOT~~

mussels :D

Hey People! RED IS BACK !!

This is going to be a long long post..

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30th April.

Okay~~ things isn't going well for me & the people around me~

Hm.. I've been seriously lazy for the past few months..

Thanks miss fadzlin.. :)

Thank you.

You aren't that ' bad ' actually~ :(

I'm sorry~

For letting you down.

I'm sorry~

For letting myself down.

Yup~~

Without a qualification, without knowledge, how am I suppose to fit into this world?

How am I going to survive without a job? How can I survive without money ?!!

Everyone is competing already.

What am I doing ?

Thanks for waking me up.

With your words.

What's stopping me to improve when :

You offered to help me.

When I've friends & family to support me?!

The moment I shed my tears when I heard what you said to me, I know.

I know I actually still want to improve!

I'm not dumb :)

I'm not.

With all of their help, I won't fail !

With their support, I won't collapse !

Being in express stream is easy.

But to maintain your standard in express stream, requires more effort!

Much more them what you put in now!

I don't want to fail any of the subjects anymore.

I don't want.

I know what I want.

I will achieve.

Dearest, help me overcome my laziness~

Help me with my work~

Help me~

Have been doing filing these days~

Regret not packing & organizing my things well~

It's not easy to change my mindset.

But... I will.

Even if I didn't do well this time, My next exam will be much more better!

Wait for my good news, RED !!

Studies is all I have to focus on now.

Have to get rid of you from my mind for the moment.

( Hopefully it's forever. )

Aww~ despite my busy schedule these days~

I still remember that I LOVE RED :D

I won't forget anyway~

Love red too much.

Way~ too much.

Ouch~~

Got a cut on my tongue :(

I've no idea why & how~

But I know it's definitely pain.

It's so...

PAIN..

Tsk..

Made a pancake during home-econ~

It should be a CAKE actually...

In the end, mine turn out flat, look like pancake & taste like brownie.

Failed~~

Haha~ it's okay~Because it don't taste weird & I like it :D ( although it's kind of sweet~ )

With this mistake made,

I won't fail next time :)

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1st May.

It's a new month!!!

Whoo!

A new start~ !!

Hee, everyone, lets start afresh!

Leave all trouble to March & move on to May!!

WAHAHAHA!!!

Hm~

I was revising my science when Joan suddenly text me.

Asking me out for dinner.

Since I'm struggling with my work,

I decided to meet her, as I could get some help from her.. HAHAHA~

Went to a buffet restaurant~

WOW?

There's alot of people.. And it's quite stuffy inside actually~

We manage to get a seat fr 2~

As usual, I ate alot alot alot alot of seafood !!

Especially my beloved mussels & oysters~

It's really nice ! :)

Extremely delicious~

And It's kind of disgusting when she cooked 2 eggyolks together in the steamboat.

The moment she suck the yolk into her mouth, it's like...

SO GROSS...

EWWW~~~ I don't like eggyolk especially half cooked ones~

Didn't eat much, as my tongue is really painful~

After went back home,

On the train..

I THOUGHT I saw it...

In the end, it wasn't it.

Tsk :(

I wouldn't want to see it either..

Especially it with another it.

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2nd May.

' I didn't choose to live with all of you, you're the one who choose to live with me ! '

How can you sat such things to her?!

Do you think you're capable enough to take care of yourself?!

Who helped you to bed when you faint?

Who helped to buy you lunch when you're hungry?

Who bring you to the doctor when you're sick?

Who take care of your diet everyday?

Alot alot more.

Who?

Not your son, not your daughter.

But.

It's your daughter-in-law.

Whom you call a failure, a B**** !!

She's very tired that night.

So when uncle called, she didn't picked up the phone & wake you up.

Yet you think she did it on purpose.

What motive do you think she have ????!!!!

She's just tired right?

By the way, isn't it your OWN responsibility to wake up yourself?

You've no right to scold her.

Neither do you have the right to blame her !

Shouldn't you satisfied?

What more do you want?

What more do you need?

You're terribly selfish!

You've no idea how hurt is she when you said that.

Hope one day you'll wake up & see who is really good to you!

Hey... Mummy.

Why don't you consider using the last resort?

I don't mind, serious.

It's won't affect me.

Because, hoping you to divorce with him, has become my birthday wish

every single year already.

Do what you think is right.

I'll always stick to you.

No worries, I"ll earn enough $$$ to let you live a better life.

Life with enough $$$ to spend.

Life without troubles.

Life without him,

Soon,

Your life will be without her (:

Hang on!

Wait for me!

***

Went to Stacy's house..

Study~ Study~ Study~

Then received Kenneth message.

Went to City Harvest !

Whoo~

Okay~~

The service was cool man.. Aww!

Hm.. I've made more friends..

It's just..

A JOY to be with them (:

I'm very shy at first~

* It'll be kind of awkward when you're in a crowd, where you don't really know anyone there~

I felt reluctant to go at first..

But the people there & everything there attract me to..

For the first time, I'm actually looking forward to every Saturday :)

Never know my Saturday could be so interesting ! (:

I'm over the moon~

All the best to every one's MYE..

And..

Take care Kenneth, get rid of that itching stuffs on you~

Hee~~ I'm happy ~ Happy~ VERY HAPPY :)

Everyday I see you I see your shadow.. I saw you.

Everyday I hear your voice.. I thought it's really yours.

Everyone is you... I thought they were ALL you.

The rain is you.

The school is you.

Parkway is you.

Tampines is you.

Pictures are you.

Adidas is you.

Jack place is you.

Orchard is you.

City hall is you.

East coast is you.

Train is you.

Escalator is you.

Buses are you.

Void deck is you.

Walls are you.

Cinema is you.

White board is you.

Potato chip is you.

Pencil case is you.

Temasek Poly is you.

Basketball is you.

Maths is you.

Spectacles is you.

Phone is you.

Wallet is you.

My tears are you.

My mind is you.

My heart is you.

Everything, Everywhere is you !!

oh my , Oh my :(

They didn't fade at all !!

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3rd may.

For some reasons, I feel like giving up maths and stop practising.

Whenever i see Algebra, I just feel sick! Just don't get it !!

Someone told me this

' Once you start practicing & you're expose to different question, you'll realize, they're actually quite similar & once you know the format, the rules, you'll get the hang of it. Maths isn't that difficult. '

I'm lost. :(

Okay, the news made mummy cry.

That time was uncle.

This time was mummy's aunt.

Why is everyone around me leaving?

Why..

Don't go.. :'(

But... again, it might be a good thing that she left this world.

She's about 100 plus years old?

The last time she fell & broke her leg!!

She can't walk .

She sit on a chair all day long.

Most of her children died as early as 50 or 60?

Anyway, who could live such a long life like her.

But she's not happy at all.

She's old. Her ear is faulty. Her husband had left her for years.

Her children left her for years too.

She can't walk.

She can't see clearly.

She too old for operations, it's too risky !!

But guess what the doctor said

She said that her organs is functioning perfectly well.

Her heart, liver, kidnet, stomach, intestine..

They're perfectly alright.

Perfectly fine !!

But to her, these was nothing.

She'll always said this to me.. Whenever I visit her.

That sentence makes me really sad.

' When am I going to die? '

Amazing?

Fancy a person want herself dead!

Because... Life is nothing but a torture to her.

Everytime I heard that, I've no idea what to say.

I just look at her face.

Holding my breathe, telling myself not to cry.

If not, she will too.

I REALLY MISS HER ALOT :'(

She's gone for good now!

The thing is , tomorrow is MYE.

I can't attend her funeral !

I can't !!!

I'm angry.

I'm sad.

But I can't do anything.

I'm helpless!

I want to go. Badly!!

Really miss her alot... :''''''(

Mummy don't allow me to go with her.

She wants me to focus on my exams.

Why now!

Maybe this is life.

Everyone is leaving !

One by one..

I don't want anyone to go!

I don't want them to leave for good!

I'm scared!

Terribly afraid!

I love them!!

I don't want them to leave for good..

Okay, that is being childish & unrealistic..

Life is fragile.

Life is like this.

Just treasure everything I have now!

That's it

There's nothing I can do..

How many funeral will i be attending these years ?

I seriously don't know.

Don't want to know either.

I don't want to hear any of that.

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Birthday is coming.

I've forgotten about it totally..

This year's feeling toward birthday isn't that excited..

Somehow... :(

I dread the day to come. :(

I have no idea why..

Normally, I'll request a big big big chocolate cake on that day, with candles on it..

I'll spend at least 5 minutes to make my wish..

With my eyes closed & fingers intertwined with each other.

I'll wish & wish for everything I want !

No one is to talk.

no one is to disturb.

And I'll blow the candles with all my might !!!!

When I was a kid,

The size of the cake matters.

The taste & the appearance of the cake matters.

The colour of the cake matters.

My present matters.

I want everything to be grand & big!

All I want for this year, I want to celebrate it in east coast..

My friends will be with me, wearing RED !

There'll be a small cake with a long long RED candle on it.

I'll make my wishes my the shore..

As usual, no one is to talk or disturb.

After that, I want every of my friend, to sing a birthday song !! And end with ' Evon the RED ! '

Hee~

A LOUD LOUD LOUD LOUD ONE!

where the people across the sea can hear it...

That'll be hilarious...

The birthday song matters.

The colour of the song matters.

The ambience matters..

I WANT RED...

A rose for me..

AWW ~

So sweet !

HAHAHA!

I'm tired already, can't post all !! Will post again..

* Take note of the dates, they're random :)

Love RED alot..

24th April.

Went for study group~ it's so fun :)
Hm.. I'm going to master the ' magic' one day perhaps..
Hee~
Thanks :)

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25th april.

17 Again !
The show is nice okay!
Aww~
Thanks rui jun for the ticket..
I've fun with those girls & him.
Haha!
After that had my family day :)
Life will be terrible without them!
My life is made up of..
My friends~
My family~
My school~ ( for the moment )
And RED~

Without them, I'm better off dead.
Serious :)
I LOVE THEM ♥

Why everything reminds me of it?
Why...
When did it start?
Why did it even start..
It's a joke.

Things start at the start.
Today's sunset makes me cry.
Makes me lost.
I'm losing control..

I heard that there will be a Tsunami in Singapore during June.
Is it true?
I don't know.
I don't want to know either.
If it's the truth, I've no idea what I'm suppose to do now.
I've no idea how to fulfil my wishes in such a short time.
I've no idea what to say to my love ones.
I've no idea what I'll do.
Maybe I'll call my friends up & chat with them.
In addition, I want my mum to cook for me.
Lastly...
I'll lie on my bed, covered by the RED bed sheet.
Till my heart stop beating.

If being alive means...
Constantly changing,
Then..
what a cruel kind of mercy this is.
I want to recover.
I will recover.
I'll heal myself.
Till I don't even see my scar.

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26th April.

Wake up at 8a.m .
The moment I open my eyes.
I think of it.
I think.
I think.
I cried ( again )
Believe it?
My tears made my day.
Darling?
Why is it affecting me so much recently?!
Why....
Ouch... :(

I'll take the chance.
I accept it.
But not you.

I'm going insane.
Inside of me.
Is it pretentious?
No...
Maybe yes.
I'm so lost at times.
Be it on the bus or when I'm walking.
Get me on path.
I'm weary of these.
I'm sick of these.
Haha~
It's very noisy.

Keep quiet but not too silent. Talk but not too loud.

Talk but not too loud, not too much.

Go away but not too far. Come closer but not too close.

Love deeply but not too deep. Hate but learn to forgive & the best, forget.

Eat alot but not too much. Starve but not too long.

Smile not not laugh. Frown but not cry.

With this.
Everything will be ' Oh~ so nice. '
' Oh~ so great '
Everything will be perfect.

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27th April.

Today is test day!
Had alot of test obviously..
AWW~
First it's the 2 science test :)
Hm~ have difficulty memorizing the formulas~
Failed by half a mark :(
But it's okay~~~~
Memorizing already~
Hm... The other test is about electricity..
I manage to complete it & ~~~
It wasn't as difficult as i think :)
Hope I do well for it~~

Secondly, it's the English test.
Oh no..
That's kind of terrible as i missed out alot of points !!
Got to finish reading Chinese Cinderella..
If not.
It'll be too late!

Hm... Why did i cried AGAIN?
Does it matter?
Even if it's the truth?
Even if it's real?
So I've not get over it.
I thought I had.
At least a bit?
In fact.
Not at all.
I'm fooling myself all along.

Desperately need a new EARPIECE :(
A RED one please.
My original is in RED too.
Grant me that.
Buy me that.
Get me that.
I'll love you.

:)

This might sounds ridiculous.
It's ridiculous that thing happened & changed so fast.
It's ridiculous when everything can just turn out all wrong even when things is fun!
But..
It's even more ridiculous for one not to accept & move on.
Get over.
It's like that!
It's like this!
So stop it & carry on with your life.

Once, it's worth it.
But now, it worth nothing.
Nothing at all..

It's been very long indeed.
I know.
Aww~ but it still hurts.
Alot.
There's no way I can accept anything.
At this moment.

Yup~ everything happened tooooo fast!
I've no time to think of...how to react.
What to say.
Hope it'll just leave me alone.
Aww~ I'll react faster next time.
MUCH MORE FASTER.

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28th April.

I was so frustrated with maths test !

SETS SETS SETS SETS SETS SETS SETS SETS SETS SETS SETS SETS SETS SETS SETS SETS SETS SETS SETS SETS SETS SETS SETS SETS SETS SETS SETS SETS SETS SETS SETS SETS SETS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks Liana & Pamela for helping :)
I think I prefer simultaneous equation that sets.

Hm~~ then for science lesson.
I was too upset to concentrate on the lesson because of the previous lesson ( maths ) ... & some other stuffs... :'(
Cried...
I've been crying these few days~~
Tsk....

I have to start my art prep real soon!!
Hm... ART BORES ME.
Love drama!

Good news :D
There's a drama workshop going on for the class~
AWW!!!!!
EXCITED~~~~~

Weather is hot these few day....
So HUMID!
Got to drink alot of water :)

* Someone urged me to answer.
I hope you'll see this & stop what you're doing.
As nothing will come out of it.
Hm..
I'm sorry.
I don't think I could accept it.
Especially when I'm still clinging to something else.
I've nothing else to say except for I'm sorry.
Reason?
Because...
Right inside of me..
I know you're not the one.
So...
Stop.
Take a look.
There're more chances out there.
Don't do such things anymore.
I won't be moved.
I won't be touched.
So sorry but I've do this.
No offence~
But you're not my type.

I love red~~ alot~ alot~~

Whatever it takes ------ Lifehouse~

~A stragled smile feel from your face
It kills me that I hurt you this way
The worst part is that I didn't even know
There's a million reasons for you to go
But if you can find a reason to stay~
I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know that I've let you down
And if you give me a chance
Believe that I can change
I'll keep us together
Whatever it takes~

~She said if we're gonna make this work
You gotta let me inside even though it hurts
Don't hide the broken parts that I need to see
She said like it or not it's the way it's gonna be
You gotta love yourself if you can ever love me~

I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know what's at stake
I know that I've let you down
And If you give me a chance
And give me a break
I'll keep us together
Whatever it takes

I know you deserve much better
Remember the time I told you the way that I felt
And that I'd be lost without you and never find myself
Let's hold onto each other above everything else
Let's start over, start over,start over
I'll do whatever it takes
To turn this around
I know whats at stake
I know that I've let you down
And If you give me a chance
Believe that I can change
I'll keep us together
Whatever it takes~

THIS IS THE NICEST SONG OF THE NICEST.

Today was the first home-econ lesson!

Somehow..

I miss nailing & cutting.. :(

I still prefer D&T ! :)

Okay~

I like the teacher alot~

Like my partner alot~

Like the sponge cake I made alot~

It was great working with Winnie :)

Everything turns out well~

Just that there was a little dirt on the table~

So..

During spot check~

Miss Tan saw it & deducted 1 mark~

AWW~~~ :(

But..

The cake was nice !!!

Hee~ I never like cooking.

Never like to wash~

So!

Home-econ...

Is just not me...

HAHA...

Today was tiring too~~

Sleepy..

Totally have no idea what Mdm Ho was talking about

during geography lesson~

I can't concentrate..

YAWNS~~

Hm.. Get to the topic.

EXAMS coming...

Seriously near..

Maths & science are hopeless..

Hm~~

Language suits me more !!

STUDY. STUDY. STUDY.

* Xin ting.. Hope everything is going well for you... It's okay~~ :) *

* All the best for kenneth's rock-climbing trail~

hoping to see that little RED dot :) *

* Neo min can stop scaring me with that ' Hand sign ' !!! '

Lastly... ILOVERED ~

Alot....

♥

15th April .

Oh oh oh~ what's wrong with me?

Haha, fancy me spelling EXCEPT as ACCEPT for twice!
Wow?
I'm so embarrassed!
So sorry kenneth :)
( He is humorous, tells both inside joke & lame jokes! Share his philosophy with me. He's nice. Nice nice nice. Just nice~ )

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16th April.

Vincent is driving me crazy!!

V: I want wash hand
Me: Wait ah...
V: I want wash hand
Me: Wait..
V: I want wash hand
Me: Wait.

Can you imagine? He keep repeating & repeating himself !!
So noisy~
How I wish i could just soak his hand in the water, so he don't have to wash them
FOREVER :)

V: I want go toilet
Me: Want urine is it?
V: I want go toilet
Me: Want to pee is it?
V: Huh?
Me: Want to pee right?
V: Huh?
Me: Pee is it?
V: I want to go toilet
Me: Fine~ lets go.

In the toilet...

Me: Pee leh..
V: Don't want already.
Me: HUH??!!
V: I don't want..
Me: Okay okay. Don't tell me you want to pee in the future.
V: Huh?
Me: Nothing.

I was so frustrated with him!!
Ask me to bring him to the toilet, yet don't want pee.
Okay~~
for this I can tolerate.
But when he walk out of the toilet, he pee on the floor!!
Still add sound effect to the mess!
' Yeeeeee~ '
I was like.. You created these, still say yeeeeee?
Eww~ in the end, I clean up everything ~.~

Went home with JL & XT ~
Talk about the past...
Yup..
The past :)
The regrets...
The changes..

' life isn't better with him either'

Ya~ right . Use it on yourself if you think it helps.

I realize I'm closer to my friends already :) especially after we share :)
Especially when I realize their name appear on my blog more OFTEN..
Haha~

Hope things won't change :)

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18th April.

Today saw a man sitting behind a lorry.
He's wearing a blue shirt, a pair of jeans, with his green slippers beside him.
He's eating an apple.
I guess he's a foreign worker.
When my bus stopped just right beside the lorry..
I just saw that... He's biting the apple...
A bite... A bite... A bite...

I wonder...
What is he thinking?
His family in his hometown?
Maybe his wife & children?
Why would he want to come to foreign place to work?
It's so tough!
He looks thin.
Looks lonely..
This applies to every foreign workers.
They don't have to work actually.
They can just pick up rubbish & eat.
They don't have to make themselves so tired!
They don't have to!!

But :)
They don't want their family members to suffer.
I actually learn something from them.

Hm... look.
You'll realize even though their work is tough, they can still smile & laugh.
They're happy.

Went to city harvest church..
Wow.. Thanks Kenneth for bringing me there~
I made some friends :)
They're kind, humorous!!
They're a joy to be with..
I saw Nicholas. Kenneth's brother~
' Brother & sister ' is the term that they use on us -.-
Say we look alike huh..
Haha..
Anyway...
I'm happy :)
Thanks for the night..

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20th April.

My schedule left me with no choice but to do this. It's too late, I know.

Actually, what they told me will happen sooner or later only.
Why am I taking it so hard?
Why am I crying?
Why does it have to open up my wound & tear my flesh?
Why?
What a joke.

So... I still do care about it?
About that.. Matter?
I don't get it~
It shouldn't be happening so fast!
But I can't control.
Nobody can anyway~

Didn't eat my dinner, for the first time.
I totally have no desire for food.
Totally have no appetite.
Even though..
It's baked MUSSELS.
My beloved seafood..
I just don't feel like eating.
Not even a bite.

I have no idea why,
But it really bothers me & affecting me seriously! :(

Evon, act it out & cut it out alright?
The play had ended !

But thanks friends.........
You all should know who I'm talking about :)

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21st April.

MT oral examination today! Wow~
I skipped 2 words..

Hm... I wasn't nervous until I saw the examiner.
She look so stern & the way she pronounce the words, is
SO SO SO SO SO
PERFECT!
Stress~
Haha, by the way..
Thanks friend for being there & Rui Jun for the smileys~~ :D :) :P
Haha~
But it's over~
so I'll just hope for the best!!

I'm desperate for $$$$$ .....
Oh gosh... The bill is killing me :(
I've learnt my lesson.
I'm busy saving up now..
I guess I'll have to miss that show
' A madwoman's diary '
:(
I wanna cry~~ :'(

I'm so sick & tired :(
Aww~~
Everything isn't going well these days... :(
I'm upset.
I'm sad :(
Everything upsets me.
Even when a mosquito bite me.
I just feel so~ upset.

I'm exhausted :(
Seriously tired :(
My head is pain & It's spinning!!!
I'm sick! :( :'''(

* If this is what you want, I'd rather live my life alone.

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22nd April.

Today was assembly :)
I saw him~
I heard him~
He's so cool~
His voice really attracts me~
It's deep & stable~
Oh gosh~~
It's so so so nice !
I'm at lost of what to do when he start shouting all those commands!
Loud..
Deep..
& clear..

He's not a singer ( although i don't know if he sings~ )
He.. Gives command :)
It's just..
SO COOL!
Seriously cool & attractive!!
But..
I wouldn't want him as my darling................
He's not my cup of tea...
HEE~~~ somehow it's impossible -.-
I don't want that to happen either..
Haha~~

LOVE RED~ ALOT ALOT ALOT ALOT :)

* I can go both China & corporals camp if I manage to pass my interview~ *

Oh no~
Where's my voice?!
When can it stop...
When can i recover?
It's already the 6th or 7th times from January till now.

Cough. Till i can feel pain in my chest.. It's so painful :( It hurts :(

Cough. Till i lose my voice. Pathetically, I've to type out using my phone or write it down in order to communicate.

Cough. Till i can't drama anymore~~~ Can't express myself freely.

Cough. Till I'm not able to scream even with my mouth open.

Cough. Till I've no chance to breathe at all.

Cough. Till I've to do sign language.

Cough. Till I can't concentrate on my work.

Cough. Till I have cold sweat on my back.

Cough. Till I can't sleep well !!

Cough. Till I'm training myself for the physical fitness test, especially the sit-ups.
My muscle hurts each time I cough.

Cough. Till I can't eat at peace. Coughing interrupts me !!!!!

Cough. Till I can't swallow my drink & food properly.

Coughing is all I'm doing.

Why am I coughing? ( I think I'm sick. )
I might cough out blood one day perhaps?
Kind of taste it already.

Taste...Fresh..
Taste...Red..
Taste like rotten berries :)
Gross...........

I guess I need a ' get well ' plan. Hope I'm able to stick to it.

1. NO HONEYSUCKLE FOR ME!
2. NO SWEETENED DRINKS!
3. NO SWEETS!
4. NO SPICY OR FRIED FOOD!
5. DRINK MORE WATER!
6. GET MORE REST!
7. NO APPLE!
8. NO TROUBLES!
9. NO COMPLICATED STUFF!
10. NO PILLS FOR MEDICINE! ( liquid form is still acceptable. )

Although no.7 to no. 10 don't have much link about getting well, but
it's just a little wish from this sickly~ Grant me that~ :)

Mummy? Can you put me down to sleep? Now? I need you.

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' The importance of being earnest' by Oscar Wilde!

It's a comedy & the thing is , the actors are from Singapore, Kuala Lumpur & London, they're
all guys!!

I prefer staged play or rather art clips to movie actually~~
Movie is a film where every part of the show can be edit or modify? It's so fake sometimes :)
( No offence )

Whereas for staged play, everything look so real!
It's live & every single expression, the tone, makes me excited!!

The play is from 25th March to 11th April. At the drama centre theatre~

Aww~ I'm so sad.
I missed it.

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9th April.

Went to school by cab.. The driver was like driving so fast!! My life is at stake!
So~ told him to slow down.. I don't trust him at all~
Wanted a slow journey, but the traffic was so smooth that I reached school less than 10 minutes ~.~

Why can't things slow down today?!

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10th april.

It was such a heavy rain!! How dare it drenched on my SLIP ON RED !!
Beloved, shouldn't have wear you out.. I'm sorry :(

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11th April.

Went to pass something to Joan at city hall~ went to popeye~
After that, Ben & Andrew joined us, went to ESPLANADE to update myself to the latest performances~ latest show :)

Oh my !

' A madwoman's diary' is going to be my next one!
Although it's not a staged play, but the clip's storyline attracts me~ :D

It's a bilingual performance, it's inspired by 2 real life stories.
1. A woman has forsaken her husband & children to fight for her country's freedom.
2. A woman trying to make sense of her predicament, keeps her stillborn baby in her LOCKER.

Gosh? LOCKER? BABY?
Amazing...

$28 / ticket. Call SISTIC~

There're many upcoming shows~
I wanna watch every one of them!
$$$$$ please :)

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12th April.

It's kenneth B'day~

What a coincidence..
It should be the 7th month already. But.. it ended :( :'( :(

It's so cold. Be it the tone or the weather.
It's very cold.
You're making me freeze!!
It's been a long time already... I know.
You know too.
But, You don't know what I really know!
It's seriously cold.. Making me to shiver, with fear.
Fear of losing.
In fact, I've lose it already, long ago.
I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared. I'm scared.
I'm really scared.
Tonight, Everything is so scary!!
I'm just scared.
Can you come back? Please? I don't want to lose it! :(

My heart froze & I can hear it crack inside me.
The pain tears me apart.
Don't do this to me :(
I'm scared.
Change the temperature..
Change the tone..
Don't be so cold.
It frightened me.
I'm really in pain.
Stop freezing me with all your might.
I've no strength to overcome it anymore :(

Hold on to me...
Give me chance. Will you?
Say yes.
You won't regret.
I promise you.
Promise.
I promise that I won't break the promise.
I promise the promise which I promise not to break it.
The promise which I promise not to break, is waiting for you to believe & trust me!

I will (not) wait.
If you (don't) allow me to.

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Today went to T1 with Jialin, Neo, TTN, Vincent & Jabin~

Haha,went to but each a cup JL.
I was like asking her ' Can I order RED tea double pearl? '
She said ' No! No no no no no no no'
I don't think there's such thing as triple pearl,
she don't want me to embarrassed her.

Haha, so I ordered my beloved ' RED tea double pearl '
But, someday :)
I'll try to order it.
I know it's kind of weird, as half of the cup will be filled with pearls ~.~
The pearl there is heavenly chewy & tasty.
JL say will cause breast cancer?
Who cares? :)
I don't know when I'll lose my life anyway~
I was very hungry that time, don't know why~~~~~~~~
I've got cash limit today, so borrowed from JL to but a bread.
There were some kind of sauce on top of it. Which taste like tomato,
Or maybe strawberry.. Or maybe chilli.. Or maybe blood..

Erm~ sorry, I got too carried away!
It just taste kind of weird~
but what attracts me, it's the colour !
Hee~ :)

After that, TTN bought me asparagus biscuit?
It taste weird at first but after a few bite!
I'm addicted to it.
Hee~~ Nice nice nice !!!

I eat too much today.
I'm sick.
I'm full.
I wanna faint.
I wanna puke.
I'm just~ pulling my leg :)

When can I stop playing & study?
I don't know~ :)
Exam is coming?!
Study.
How?
Just revise everything you've learnt.
How?
Use your brain.
How?
Press the remote control & control it.
How?
Read the instruction manual.
How?
If you don't know how, who knows?

Love red~ alot.

* Oh~ corporal's camp or china? Promote or interact? :(
How am I suppose to make a choice?
Why does it have to clash together & makes things difficult for me? :(
Help :)

I don't have a chance to post a few days ago... I guess I'll just type anything I could think of~~

~~~ While talking to Xin ying , instead of ' common sense' , I said ' Comic sans' !! Oh my... So embarrassing... the whole day i keep pronounce the words wrongly.. ' work sheet' can become ' word sheet' !!!

~~And on friday, ran 2.4km for PE. I improved by 2 minutes. I know it isn't alot... but i did improve. Hm.. Jialin keep on asking me to carry on running when i was about to give up upon reaching the finish line... What comes into me during the run..
I don't know..

When Mr. Lim say ' START' , all I did was keep on running...

Running..

Running...

Running....

what really motivates me? RED?
I don't think so.
It's something I've always wanted.
But I'll never get it back.

After that, everyone was like.. ' Evon! Your face is so RED! ' ' Look like an apple! '
Gross...
I never like apple...
haha~

Saw Sherry's elephant leg,
Get well :D Hee~~

Cried during D&T lesson. I just can't nail it without fail.. I'm so fed up. With myself..
Gave up.

But ! I shall try again next lesson~

PATIENCE! EVON, PATIENCE~

Finally, got back year book.

Wow?
Most of 2E change alot indeed...haha!
hee, i look so yuck-y that time! :)
Because i just cut my fringe :D
find it gross now.
I've changed!

Come back, will you?
haha, Evon stop it.

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Currently in love with POKKA'S HONEYSUCKLE TEA!
Why is it?

Hm... I just find the taste unique & different from other tea.
I love special things! :D
It's so addictive :)
I'll drink 1.5 litres each day if possible :D
too much huh... Diabetes might just knock my door...
But I've no intention to stop!

Sorry wintermelon tea... people sometimes do enjoy new things & got carried away~
But~ Forgive me :)
Because I'm sure i still prefer you to honeysuckle :)
I still like you~
All I want is just to try it~ only.

Don't doubt me.......

How much is enough? How much is enough to fill up that hole? How much more is needed? What do i need? Do i really need it? I can't do without it? I don't believe!

Don't fool me :)

Anyway it's complicated.
Evon, you know it yourself.

Act it out & cut it out.

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Went out with SEAN~ on 7th ~ :)

Early in the morning, prepared myself, after that, went to the bus stop & wait for him.
WOW? I saw a car with him inside.
And~ his dad as the driver.. Haha! so embarrassing!
Get on the car, his dad asked alot of questions~~
Still tell me ' I'm very open-minded father, don't hide anything from me ah~ ' with a creepy smile on his face..
I was like~~ smiling all the way?
Don't know what to say...
Sean. Make sure you don't ask uncle to fetch us next time~ Makes me awkward !! haha.. But it's nice to talking to him~ :)

( you should know what you told him huh... KILL YOU! :D )

His dad drove us to orchard.
( orchard... Tsk.. still will think of.. :( )
Went for a movie, lunch, shopping, dinner, shopping, shopping, and. Shopping.
Bought a gift for stacy too :D
And thanks for the RED things uh :) pillow case especially ~.~
Reached home at 8:45 sharp.
Haha! THANK YOU ~~~~

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Eh? What happened to you? What's wrong with you? What make your mind changed? Just because of that 'accident'.
You believe there is chance for you.
Still believe that the ' accident' will happen again.
Is that why you keep trying?
I can see that you still believe that there's hope.
Please?
That's just LUCK.
PURE LUCK.
You're thinking too much.

You've gone through more than 1o years of life with her.
Haven't you realize that?
She've done so much for you & wasted her youth to be with you than other guys..
She help you take care of your children.
Do you appreciate?
Don't you know that?
I think. Even the blind & deaf can sense it.

Why can't you?
Or.. you just pretend you have no idea about it.

The moment you say ' I do. '
What lifelong promise have you made to the marriage?
They're..
Just words?
As the years past, you've forgotten about it already is it?
Forget about the purpose of marrying her?
Forget the purpose of having children?
Forget what's the responsibility of a father?
Forget what is LOVE ??!!

I've no idea what comes into you. You're making me sick to my stomach. I'm so disappointed.

When can you change?
I hope it'd before you lose everything.
I hope it's before we lose hope in you.

I don't care if you love her anymore.
I don't care if you still want your children.
I don't care if you still want to carry on dreaming.
I don't care about anything else.
Just stop hurting her.
Give us $money$ & leave.
We don't need you.
Go.
Get lost yea? :)

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What is a family? Is it just a group of people which you just simply name themselves : father, mother, son, daughter etc. ?

F father
A and
M mother
I i
L love
Y you

What a way~ of saying.
Everything we do will have a motive or purpose.. Or even a reason.
Hm.. If you think that you'll not be able to take care or manage a family, you shouldn't even try.
Waste time and bring misery.
Not only to others,
You feel pressurized also right?

Marriage is a lifelong commitment & a lifelong promise.
It should never be broken & must always be firm & stable.

One can never manage marriage on his/her own. It takes 2 to maintain it.
Shouldn't leave one alone , taking care of it. It's going to be tough & tiring.

Everyone is sure to give up & collapse.

*Where the problem lies, I really don't know.
I hope one day, you'll figure it out yourself.
And~ if the day really comes, I hope it isn't too late.

:)

love red ~ alot.

Tuesday's sports day was a success!!

hee~~ :)

2E got first place in the whole level (:

Everyone was like so happy that day :)
Luckily I didn't fall down~ Phew~~

After that, went to courts with xin ting !!

And I LOVE THAT VAIO LAPTOP WHICH IS RED~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

IT'S GORGEOUS~
IT'S PERFECT :D

GIVE ME THAT~~~~~~~~~ :)

haha... I'll make you mine one day.

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and~ yesterday was APRIL FOOL'S DAY!!
Early in the morning, winnie told me there is maths test.
I immediately took out my maths textbook and revise!!!
In the end :)
It was just a joke ~.~

:)

( this is going to be a long post.)

Last morning went to attend the tear-y ceremony.

Alot of them cried & scream...
that's actually understandable... who's able to bear the pain of losing their love ones?
takes time to get over it isn't it...

His heart has been beating for 50 years...
maybe...

He's already tired..
wanted to have a deep sleep.
this may be better for him. Better than him lying in the hospital.

Medicines... Injections.
you can't imagine how painful & scary it is.
( you can't imagine how much the bill cost too. )

It hurts me alot to see him being tortured.. :(
As i see his coffin being pushed into the burning hot fire, I felt as if someone stab me with a knife.
I can't breathe!!

He's gone for good.
Gone forever.....

At 2pm, went to collect his ashes...
gosh :'(

They were in a variety of colours.
black, orange pink.. & more. ( i didn't see any red one anyway. )
WOW? they are the marks of the medication he had been taking. Panadols....whatever....whatever possible ones.

soon, we headed to the changi beach & get on a boat. He requested to place his ashes in the sea.
So... We did as he wished.

That's the end.

Suddenly felt that life is so fragile.
In a spilt second, someone can be dead. Haha.
No matter how evil or kind a person is, after he/she died, they'll just become a pile of ashes~
They'll be gone!!!! A joke huh? :(

I then realize. Aunt really love her husband alot. Although he is sick , she still stayed by his side. Till the end of his life.
There's a billion things she did for him. Can't be type out just like that. Way too much...
She's just noble..
Because of her. I know what's true love.

I finally get it...

' treasure & be good to those people around you before it's too late.'
This quote suddenly make sense to me. It's seriously important. Although it seemed simple to do so, but bot much human is able to do it. And i can bet that in 100 people, only 1 is able to.
I guess... this is our human nature...
But... we can make a change.
Change for a better future.
Technology is improving. Everything is improving. Why can't we improve the way we treat others? Why are humans like that...? why? why? why?

I don't know...................

Dearest aunty, be strong alright? :)
Uncle will bless us :)
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This morning , my eyes is like.. super SWOLLEN...
Ze yu still say i look like clown ~.~
then... Sim was like laughing.. Tsk..
very pain.. I should've took off my contact lens earlier :(

WEDNESDAY~~~ 1st of april :) another ' important' day to me haha, come on & prank me :) hee~~
Sports day tomorrow~
Hm... as far as i know..
I can't run fast.. But :)
I took part already :)
Just want to try & take part.. ( hope i won't make a fool of myself..~)
GOODLUCK EVERYONE (:

Anyway, I'm tired.

Shall stop~~ hm...

Hope all troubles can leave me alone these few days...
As I'm exhausted because of them.
*prays

:)

........woke up today & feel kind of unwell.

SICK... ( ?) I don't know..

so much things had happened these few days.

Hm... today. Didn't go school to attend speech day...

SPEECH DAY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Today is actually a very important day to me !!!
Yet.
I missed it.

Why ? I trained so hard just for today... for today !!!

It's like..... You've already prepared to go on a trip to the country which you want to go badly.

On that day. You're almost late, almost miss the plane.

You rushed... rushed... rushed...

' luckily i made it on time!! Phew ~ '

Then you realize

YOU'VE FORGOTTEN TO BRING YOUR PASSPORT & AIR TICKET.

.................................................

there goes the trip.... The trip which you planned with so much effort...

Ouch huh? :'(

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Cried the whole morning....

sounds silly?

but i really feel so hurt for not going school today...

Sorry to cause the trouble to CHELCY :( thanks for helping too..

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Yi Dong called today, didn't talk much as it's quite noisy at my side & i can barely hear him.

Hee, it's been a very long time since i saw him.

Canada fun huh? (:

I bet he missed the chicken rice here.. haha~

Come back soon yea? (: :P

haha, will miss you.

Hm... hope you rest in peace.. goodbye..

I'll miss you... Don't have to worry about us :')

ByeBye...